Mass Effect: No Control
by redx2597
Summary: Commander Shepard is dead. Giving up his life to control the Reapers he has brought peace to the galaxy, but everything has a price. The more time Shepard spends connected to the trillions of minds that are the Reapers the more his humanity slips away. Can he find a way to keep his humanity and what are the consequences if he does. Shepard(M)/Tali love story
1. Prologue

**Hi everyone! Just wanted to say that this is my first time writing a fan fiction so please be kind. Feel free to leave a comment and note that all suggestions are welcome. Hope you enjoy the story.**

**My Shepard belongs to me and everything else belongs to Bioware.**

* * *

"The paths are open, but you have to choose." Shepard looked at the Catalyst, the cause of death for trillions of lives starting all the way back with the Leviathans and coming up to the species of this cycle. As he looks into those heartless, cold, dammed eyes, he wants nothing more than to shoot it. He wants to; with all his heart, destroy the reapers. For everything they have done they deserve no less. It would be justice for all the lives they destroyed, but as he thinks this he remembers something, "Do we deserve death?" Legion, one of his friends, someone who on more than one occasion saved his life and helped him to defeat the Collectors. He gave his life to bring sentience to the rest of the Geth, who are at this very minute fighting the Reapers beside the rest of galaxy. Then there's EDI. She had saved Shepard, the Normandy and its crew more times than he could count. She had been a great friend and had just now begun to understand what it was to truly be alive. How could he rob her of that? No, he wouldn't destroy the Reapers if it also meant destroying so many innocent lives. That left him with two other options; synthesis and control. Maybe synthesis was the final evolution for all life in the galaxy, but that didn't give him the right to force it on its inhabitants, no, they would reach it on their own when the time was right. That left him with only one choice. He began the slow walk to path on his left. He dropped his gun, he wouldn't need it anymore. As he stood in front of the terminal he began to think about all the dissensions he had made up until that point. All the responsibility that he had been given in the past. He couldn't help but wonder "Did I do enough?" He placed his hand on the first handle. He knew there was no going back at this point. He grabbed the second handle. Pain shoots though his entire body, like he had been hit with a bolt of lightning. He falls to his knees, the pain is excoriating and he can smell his skin begin to burn off. His thoughts go to Anderson. He had been there for him from the beginning, when no one else believed in him Anderson was always there to support him. Now he's dead, because "I" couldn't save him. Shepard reached up to grab the handles, he needed to finish this. He began to think about Thane. He had been a loyal friend, a good friend. Now he's dead, because "I" wasn't fast enough, you needed to go and give your life defending the Salarian Consoler. Shepard could feel the energy begin to break him down. Then his thoughts came to her, Tali. He had failed her. He had promised that after the war he was going to build her a home on Rannoch. Now he couldn't. Now he would never see her again, never hold her, never hear her voice, never have her hands in his or tell her just much she meant to him. As his body started to completely disappear, he looked up to the stars one last time and just before the Crucible could take him he said "Tali, I'm sorry."

* * *

Admiral Hackett's voice went over the comm. "All fleets! The Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point." Joker struggled to keep the Normandy out of harm's way. He heard what the Admiral said, but he refuses leave Shepard behind. He felt EDI's hand on his shoulder but he just shock her off, how can he just leave Shepard there to die?! Hackett was back on the comm. "I repeat. Disengage and get the hell out of there!" EDI grabs Jokers arm, "We must leave the system." Joker looked over to a visual of the Citadel; all he can think is that Shepard's up there and there about to leave him behind. "Dam it." Joker puts the Normandy on course for the relay.

* * *

Tali running, Dr. Michel behind her, telling her to stop, that her wounds are sever and that she needs medical attention, she doesn't listen. She needs to get to the cockpit, she can't leave him behind. She won't! She reaches the CIC, heads for the cockpit and realizes that they're heading for the relay, she has to stop them, they can't leave Shepard behind. She bursts in but it's too late. They make the jump. She feels the doctor inject her with something. Before she collapses to the floor she wipers "Shepard…"


	2. Bad day

** High everyone. Just wanted thank you for the support I've been getting so far and an even bigger thank you to everyone who left me comment.**

**I've taken everything you've said into consideration and I hope that this chapter is better than the last.**

**This is were the story starts to turn to au. so you've been warned.**

**Enjoy!**

**My Shepard and the idea of the story belongs to me and everything else belongs to Bioware.**

* * *

**Made the sliest change to make the story a bit better.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

She slowly opened her eyes to the blinding light of the med bay. She looked around to see that she was surrounded by her friends. All of their faces were filled with a mixture of pain, fear and concern. She was confused, what had happened, why was every one standing around her like that, why was she in so much pain?

"Wait?" It was starting to come back to her.

She looked around and realized that he wasn't there.

"Where's Shepard?"

No one looked at her, the silence was answer enough.

"No…"

Garrus looked at her.

"Tali… I'm sorry."

Her eyes went wide.

"No. No…it can't be."

His eyes fell to the floor, he couldn't bare to look at her.

"Tali I'm sorry."

She could feel her sobs begin to rake over her body.

"This…this can't be. He can't…he can't be…Oh god…oh god! SHEPARD!"

Garrus hugged her as hard as he could.

"Tali…I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry."

He couldn't stop his tears from flowing, no one in the room could.

"SHEPARD!"

* * *

_Shepard_.

That name wouldn't stop tormenting him. He tried to remember what it meant but there was just too much noise. Trillions of voices speaking all at once, it was deafening. He had enough it.

"QUIET!" He shouted, and it stopped.

He was amazed, it was so simple, it was almost like he had "controlled" them. He didn't know why but he felt that the word had some special meaning. _Wait. _He was starting to remember something. _I remember a boy, a boy made of blue light and a choice. Then there was…pain. I remember there was a lot of pain. _It was starting to come back to him.

_I am Shepard. My name is Shepard. _He began to remember something else to, _Tali. _He didn't know what it meant but he knew it was important.

He had to leave this place (where ever this place was) and he had to find her.

"Hello!" he tried to call to the now quiet voices.

"Can anyone tell me where I am, how I can get out?"

**"You have made your decision, there is no turning back."**

"Hello? Where are you? Why can't I see you?" The voice spoke back to him.

**"You cannot see us for there is nothing to see, though we shall attempt to accommodate you in this time of transition." **

Just then he saw something appeared before him, a shadowy figure with glowing yellow eyes. For some reason seeing this figure in front of him filled him with fear and anger. He had no idea what this thing was but he already knew that he didn't like it.

"Who are you?"

**"We are Harbinger." **

_Harbinger? _He knew that name; and for some reason hearing it made him feel even worse.

**"We can see that your memories have not returned to you in full yet. You are confused, disoriented. Such things are to be expected as you begin to adjust to your new role." **

"What are you talking about, why is this expected? What role do you mean?"

"**We are referring to your new existence as the Reaper collective."**

"The Reapers?" and just like that everything came flooding back to him. He was Commander Jonathan Shepard of the SSV Normandy, the first human Specter and savior of the Citadel. He had gone to war with the Reapers and…he had died. In a finale attempt to save as many lives as possible he had given up life to take control of the Reapers.

"I'm…I'm dead."

**"No, you are not. Jonathan Shepard is dead, _YOU_ are his memories and his personality connected to all the minds of all the harvested civilizations, connected to all Reapers. _YOU_ are not him."**

He couldn't believe it.

"No…no I am Shepard. I remember…I remember the Catalyst said that I would lose everything I was if I did this but yet I'm still…me. I'm Shepard!"

**"No, what the Catalyst said is true, but once again we had underestimated you. We believed that this process would have destroyed your individuality as soon as you connected with the Reapers, but yet you cling to the past, a futile effort. As I have already stated, you are not Shepard, you are his thought and his memories."**

"No! I know I am Shepard. My body may be gone but that doesn't mean I'm dead."

Harbinger had begun to fade away. **"I see that you will not accept the truth for what it is, so be it. You will come to understand us in time."**

Shepard was left alone again, he didn't care what that murderous machine thought of him. Right now the galaxy was still in need of his help. He would have the Reapers fix what they had destroyed and then he would use their knowledge to find a way to return himself to normal.

"Just wait a little bit longer Tali, I'm coming home."

* * *

Hackett sat there looking towards the ocean. It had only been a week and the arguing had already begun. This thrown together group of all the species leaders and high ranking officers were fighting over whether they should use there soldiers to go hunt down the Reapers or have them help rebuild so that the civilians could start returning to their normal lives.

He hadn't said anything; he just wasn't in the mood to deal with politics, not since he had seen Hanna's face when he had told her that her son was being officially declared KIA. All of the joy and the celebrations that had stated since the Reapers had retreated stopped when word broke out. The savior of the galaxy was dead. No one was in a good mood after hearing that.

"What do you think about that Admiral?" a voice snapped him out of his thoughts; it was the Turian Primarch, Victus.

"I'm sorry, I was somewhere else. What were we talking about?"

"I was just saying…" it was the Krogan, Wrex. "That instead of wasting resources hunting down the Reapers, we should try and secure this position first, since we are the only defense that the civilian camp has."

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea. I think that we should have more guards stationed up around the outer perimeter just in case of…" just then they heard people yelling and running outside.

"Looks like were too late." The Asari official said.

Hackett jumped out of his seat and ran for the nearest soldier.

"Private, report." He spoke with a confidence forged from decades of service; he wouldn't let his fear show now, but he was terrified. They were in no condition for a fight let alone a full on Reaper assault.

"Scouts say a group of sixty husks and ten brutes were seen about twenty klicks south Sir!"

Small, but it could still be a problem.

"Has there been any sign of movement?"

"They seem to be headed in this direction Sir! E.T.A. is four hours!" the boy was afraid, he had every reason to be.

"Go and make sure that the civilian camp guards are prepared and inform them that as soon as I send the word they are to evacuate everyone to safety."

"Yes Sir."

"And one more thing."

"Yes Sir?"

"I want to be updated on the situation as things develop. Under stood?"

"Yes Sir."

"Dismissed."

As the boy ran off he could see the panic start to grow in the soldiers around him. They knew chances were good that there would only be minimal casualties after this, but that didn't help the mood when you could be one of those casualties. The one thing Hackett was certain about was that he and everyone else there were thinking the exact same thing.

_This was a bad day._


End file.
